Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
