Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
