My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
