Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
