I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
