Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
