sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
