Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
