Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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