Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
