Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
