This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
