I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
