she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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