Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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