Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
