Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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