remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
