If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
