you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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