ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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