Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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