nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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