I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
