cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
