She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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