So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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