Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
