you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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