I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
