the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
