we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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