Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
