she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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