You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
