I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
