There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
