I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Where is the hickey?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
