No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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