Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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