you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
