OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This girl is more easily done than said...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
