is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
