sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
