I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
