Porn is love you can see.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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