2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
