the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
