Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
