Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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