Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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