My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
