the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
